This is continued from the original post Looking Glass Upon The Wall, Who’s the Craziest of Us All. This still isn’t the end; like I said, it’s kind of long. Hope you like it.
Rapunzel: Personal opinion: you just told that story for sympathy. (STEPSISTER #1 starts to interrupt) Oh no, it’s my turn now. You guys took forever. Besides, you have no idea what it means to be tortured in the name of fashion. Plus you need to listen to other people’s stories. (RAPUNZEL takes STEPSISTER #1’s phone and chucks it at the wall. STEPSISTER #1 is stunned) Oh, and you don’t know anything about how to tell fairy tales.(clears her throat dramatically) There was once a poor man and his wife who desperately wanted a child, but they went about stealing from an evil witch next door to make it happen. When the baby was born, she was the most beautiful thing the world has ever seen (flips her long hair over her shoulder), so the witch locked her up in a tower for the first sixteen years of her life. The poor girl got prettier and prettier and her hair grew long enough to use as a ladder so the witch climbed it to get into the tower when she visited, and completely damaged the beautiful golden locks. The girl was constantly trying to find the best hair products to buy online, but none of them delivered to her tower. Eventually, the girl got so upset with the sorry state of her hair that she ran away with an exceptionally attractive King’s son who had been visiting her and nourished her hair back to its full health away from the tower. This was really a very extraordinary feat as her hair had so many split ends from the witch’s neglect of it. Once she was at an address that UPS could find, she had access to all of the hair products she could want, but it still took her a couple of years to have completely perfect hair again. Not to mention how it completely ruined my chances of making the cover of Vogue. I mean, I did make it, but it was only twice. Anyway, now I have PTSD from it and it’s all that horrid woman’s fault.
Emperor: UPS? Is that an assassin group? What’s PTSD?
Stepsister #1: OMG! Just because it’s an acronym doesn’t mean it’s a government conspiracy!
Emperor: What’s OMG.
Rapunzel: (rolls her eyes) You are so obnoxious.
Red’s Mother: What a vain girl! You should feel lucky you had so much! If you don’t like your hair being damaged, then cut it short.
Rapunzel: Eww! Short hair is sooo not in this year! Do you even care about fashion? I mean, your outfit is really six seasons ago. There is no way you can wear that much pressed clothing all at once, you need to distress some of it. Make it look a little messy, you know? (RED’S MOTHER lets out a short whimper and quickly applies hand sanitizer)
Mirror: That’s enough! It is the Prince’s turn, and we will all listen to what he has to say now.
Prince:(who has been oogling at RAPUNZEL for the past few minutes) What?
Mirror: It’s your turn to share.
Prince: Oh. Oh, right. Well, um (makes voice deep and manly to catch RAPUNZEL’s attention) Once, there was a beautiful King’s daughter who had been cursed at birth so that she fell into a deep sleep when she was fifteen. It was a rather long and drawn out story that doesn’t really matter to me anywho, so just know that she’s been asleep for one hundred years at this point in the story. Many King’s sons had tried to get through the thorns that surrounded her kingdom, but to no avail. There was a young Prince – that’s me (his deep voice cracks on the word me and he coughs with embarrassment, RAPUNZEL rolls her eyes) – who heard his grandfather speak of this mysterious thorn hedge, and so he set off to uphold his family honor and try to shove through just like his father and his grandfather before him had done. He didn’t really intend to make it, but the thorns miraculously turned to blossoms when he walked up to them, so great was his charm (flashes a not-so-covert look at RAPUNZEL). He walked through and found the entire kingdom simply dropped off to sleep. He was very much enjoying his adventure, so he boldly decided to search for the princess, all the while thinking that she would probably be quite the sight; not so much beautiful as old. However, when he got to the tower, he found that she was not old as he had expected but rather looked much the same as she must have when she fell asleep, so he thought she was merely a spirit. To make sure, he swiftly bent down and kissed her. Her lips were as soft as a kitten made of velvet, and the prince decided she would make a good girlfriend. She instantly awoke, and the two were wed that evening. It all moved a little too quickly for the prince’s liking. He was more of a Landon Austin “we can take it slow” kind of guy. Unless the princess in question was hot. The next morning, the young Prince looked into the face of his bride and discovered that she had aged a great deal since their wedding. He decided it must be exhaustion from being awake after so long and gave it no thought. Soon after, he went into battle and when he came home two months later, burlier and manlier than ever, the princess he’d married was replaced by the old woman he had expected right from the start. (voice switches to super whiny and kind of high pitched) Now I have to change her adult diapers and feed her and help her walk everywhere and it’s awful! I don’t want to be wed to someone who could be my great grandma! Especially when she walks around saying things like (covers his teeth with his lips) “Will you grab my walker, sweetheart?” and “How was your day honey? I knitted you a new scarf for battle!” (loses the charade) I’d much rather be married to Rapunzel! (Drops down on one knee in front of her) Will you marry me? (RAPUNZEL looks up from her nails to raise an eyebrow at him then returns to admiring herself)
Mirror: Oh, for heaven’s sake! Get off the floor!